Notepad

A Dead Man with Something to Say

I used to be a bored individual with nothing else to do.

I used to be a bored individual that did drugs in the loo.

I used to be a bored individual that slept around and screwed,

I used to be a bored individual that was so fucking bored I’d have even screwed you.

I used to sit on a wall watching the world go by, I used to sit on a wall so fucking angry I could cry.

I used to sit on a wall totally isolated feeling lost and confused,

I used to sit on a wall contemplating killing myself because I’d nothing else to lose.

I used to look through park railings with a group of junkies and a few wino friends;

I used to look through park railings as a means to an end.

I used to look through park railings thinking I might get a job,

I used to look through park railings thinking I’ll fucking sell my arse instead for just a couple of bob.

I used to stand in a subway holding out my hand,

I used to stand in a subway in the hope of doing a deal so that I might score a gram.

I used to stand in a subway because I felt exposed by the harsh daylight,

I used to stand in a subway going out of my mind trying to claim a fucking bed for the night.

I used to sleep in doorways of shop entrances in Tottenham Court Road;

I used to sleep in the doorways wrapped up in a sleeping bag away from the bitter cold.

I used to sleep in the doorways talking to my dead mother and other deceased friends,

I used to sleep in the doorways feeling safe and warm while enjoying the fucking glow that heroin brings.

The last thing I remember is lying down in a coffin watching the lid being screwed down,

Becoming cutely aware that my journey in life is finally over as I’m slowly lowered into the ground.

Left to wonder how a fucking accidental overdose caused my untimely death at only twenty-three

Such a high price to pay for trying to find the happiness I felt as a child living near the sea,

The resentment I feel is too much to bear,

The resentment I feel towards others that no one really cared. 

The resentment I feel at not being able to integrate with society, the resentment I feel at wasting my life and abandoned by the bastard authorities.